Only a few movies have the magical ability of making a
well-known city as a character as opposed to being a setting. In this Billy
Crystal film, Paris is shown as not only a romantic destination, however it is
portrayed as a fantasy world that everyone yearns for and has a struggle
getting out of. This movie strikes a chord not only with people involved in a
romantic relationship, however it connects with everyone who has a fantasy of
their own bliss and happiness and reminds them that it is not going to be excitement
and fun all along.
This movie also had a realistic attempt at portraying an
adult relationship with lots of humour in it’s narrative. It didn’t feel like a
romance that was tragic even though Mickey and Ellen’s relationship did go
through natural ups and downs, mainly due to the brilliant story telling
technique of Billy Crystal. There are many romance films out there that just
kind of depresses the audience at the end of it, this movie smartly doesn’t do
it.
Mickey and Ellen were a classic example of how people find
love in a magical land and realise later on that the initial sparks do not
sustain a relationship but commitment does. They navigated their relationship
by making sacrifices along the way, only to realise that they are losing themselves
and their passion.
It is easy to see how Sternberg's (1986) Triangular Theory
of Love is connected to this motion picture with each segment of Intimacy,
Passion, and Commitment playing a role in the relationship of Mickey and Ellen.
In the beginning of their relationship, Passionate love
seemed to be the main component of their relationship. An excitement and
newness that is commonly associated with butterflies fluttering in your belly
and a sexual desire for one another. Mickey and Ellen were practically joined
at the hip during their initial courtship but this form of love seemed to fade
once the newness had morphed into familiarity and ungratefulness. This is
commonly associated with partners who engage in Romantic Love defined with a
deficiency of commitment and a short lifespan to whomever partakes in it. What partners in a relationship should strive for is
Consummate Love which contains all three aspects including, intimacy, passion
and commitment as the ideal standard to which a relationship should adhere to.
Not easily attained, but worth the effort in order to achieve a lasting and
fulfilling relationship.
More recently, Parker (2001) had applied his theory of
marriage into a longitudinal study to showcase what items were most commonly
attributed to a fulfilled and successful heterosexual marriage, meaning to
imply that those intending to marry should adopt these values in order to
consider themselves as happy and fulfilled in their marriage.
Parker (2001) went on to state that marriage was hardly a
bed of roses as most of us are led to believe, instead he used the analogy of a
diamond who had to endure oppression, stress, and all with no relief. But in
the end its the diamond and not the coal that ends up being beautiful and
precious to all who behold it.
In the same manner, Mickey and Ellen's relationship is all
the more beautiful for having gone through the struggles and in the end still
choosing to love one another despite everything.
Watching this movie also made me relate it to the Investment
Model found by Caryl Rusbult (1998). Commitment can be sustained if the
investment grows. Which means the reward in a relationship must be much more
than the cost and attractive alternative.
Commitment = Investment + (Rewards - Costs) - Attractive Alternatives
In this movie Ellen portrayed this theory very much. She and
her ex-husband were separated for a while and she couldn't make up her mind on
whether she wants to divorce him or not because there were no attractive
alternatives available but there is a lot of cost which lead to the separation.
Things changed when she met Mickey (attractive alternative) she made up her
mind and got married to him. It was easier for her to break the dilemma when
she had a better option waiting for her. Same goes when she was separated from
Mickey because of the increase in the cost but she got together as she realise
the cost gets higher with separation (they were more devastated and miserable)
and the attractive alternative (going back to Paris) was worthless. So she
decides to get back together with him.
References:
Rusbult, C. (1998). The Investment Model Scale. Personal Relationships. Retrieved from http://carylrusbult.com/documents/60_RusbultMartzAgnew1998_PersonalRelationships.pdf
Parker, R. (2001). Why marriages last. Family Matters, 60(28), 30. Retrieved from https://aifs.gov.au/publications/why-marriages-last/export
Sternberg, R. J. (1986). A triangular theory of love. Psychological review, 93(2), 119.
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