Schindler's List - Of Power & Choice

Winning a total of seven awards and nominated in almost every genre including best musical score and makeup, The film Schindler's List is hardly unknown to today's audiences. Released in 1993, Steven Spielberg retold the story of Oskar Schindler; as played by Liam Neeson, who's tale of business prowess and profiteering later gave way to the housing and protecting of Jews against the Nazi occupation. The film itself was adapted from a novel entitled Schindler's Ark, which is named so after the tale of Noah's ark that protected its inhabitants and gave way to a new generation after the great flood had receded. So did the Jews receive protection under the care of Schindler, so that the race of Jews would not be entirely wiped off the face of the earth. 

In the beginning of the film, we see Oskar as an individual that is hardly worth any respect. He portrays himself as someone that is simply in the business of making money, and whether his workers be Jew or German, it never concerned him because he was only concerning himself with making a quick buck and sleeping with any woman that caught his fancy. This explains why Oskar's right-hand-man was a Jewish man known as Itzhak Stern; played by Ben Kingsley, so when all Germans were more concerned with the removal of the Jews because they considered them to be beneath the human race, Oskar paid them no mind and regularly looked after Stern because he believed him to be the best employee that he possessed. 

The demeanour of Oskar Schindler starts changing after a particular scene in the film where he looks down from his place on a hill at the Nazi liquidation of the Ghetto, where the Jews were forcefully moved into the occupation camps and anyone that dared to defy that order was shot immediately. But amongst this chaos and gut-wrenching pain, he sees a little girl. This girl wearing a red coat was walking along the street littered with dead bodies, trying to find a safe place to hide from the trauma that was all around her. According to Spielberg, the introduction of this little girl was about more than the real girl that this character was based off of, she was meant to portray a sense of innocence in the film so that the audience watching could feel a deeper understanding of what it meant for the Jews to be persecuted for crimes that they did not commit and how no one was spared from the torment of the Germans, not women, not children, no one's innocence was spared.

After witnessing the great persecution of the Jews, Oskar Schindler later uses his own business as a manner to save individuals from the torment that they were experiencing in the occupation camps. How he does this is in creating a list. A list with the names of every Jew that he had ever come across, them and their families were saved and were working for Schindler, escaping the inevitable death that befell the others that were left in the camps. At this point Schindler had concerned himself less with the money that he could profit from those that he was employing, and more so with the fact that he was sparing these people from being completely erased from history. Each person on his list was bought with a price, money, gadgets, watches, Schindler gave everything he could to spare but one more life, one more person.

But as with anything, the consequences we have to pay for our choices comes to us sooner than we think. By the end of the film, Oskar Schindler had lost all his wealth as the German army surrenders  itself, thus ending the war in Europe. But as a Nazi and declared 'profiteer of slave labor', Oskar now has to flee for his life, leaving behind his wife and the many grateful employees under his care. The film ends with Schindler being titled a 'righteous man' by the Jewish elders and the actors in the film walking abreast with the actual people they were portraying toward Schindler's grave as it was told that 1,100 Jews were spared due to the actions of Oskar Schindler, his memory now lives on in these people. 

Ryan and Deci's (2000) approach to the self-determination theory, brings about the concept that every human being will come to a place where growth both mentally and emotionally is a compulsive need. We as part of the human race simply cannot remain stagnant in the position that we are in, just waiting for death. Human beings want very much to grow and become more than we were yesterday, hence the three inane needs that we must possess in order for growth to occur in an individual. 

However of those three needs, only one can be seen in the character of Oskar Schindler in this film, the need of Relatedness. The need of relatedness is one that is defined as a universal wanting to interact, be connected to, and experience caring for others. Now this driving force to be connected to others around us and care for others was very clearly exhibited in the film where Schindler empathises with the Jews, trying his best to relieve them of the suffering they are experiencing. One of which is Helen Hirsch; a maid working in the home of Amon Goeth, who is physically and sexually abused by her master. Schindler takes it upon himself to not only stoop to the level of the help, but to also listen to the persecutions being faced by this woman without thought to gain anything from her. Schindler had used all methods of persuasion on Amon in order to release Helen from those hellish experiences and come into his employ, he felt compelled to care for her after having heard her story even though there were others in worse off situations than herself.

Emerson's (1976) social exchange theory can also be related to this film as this theory defines itself through the understanding that human relationships are based off of a cost and benefit analysis. And that the worth of any relationship can be equated through seeing how the rewards from that relationship outweigh the costs of the same. If an individual feels that the costs of being in that relationship supersede the rewards that are accumulated, then the individual may be more inclined to end the relationship altogether, deeming it unfair in his eyes. 

This theory relates very strongly to the relationship between Oskar Schindler and Itzhak Stern. The relationship between these two gentlemen goes far beyond one of employer and employee. They seem almost like brothers in the way they look out for one another and work together under the same cause, the cause to help others. On more than a single occasion, Itzhak was put into difficult situations because of his race as a Jew, and the way that Oskar risks his wealth, his reputation, and his very life for Itzhak makes him do the same in his willingness to do anything for Oskar. They were willing to do anything for the other, and yet have a common goal of playing a part on protecting those being persecuted. 

Although I was greatly moved by the film, had I been alive during the time of the Nazi occupation I do not know how I would have reacted had I been in Schindler's shoes. Would I have risked my reputation, my wealth, my name and business, or even my life for a community of people that I was not a part of? No one knows. 

I grew up with the understanding that it is an obligation of those that have much to give to those that have little, to not only work hard for what you have but to also not forget those that still need the aid of others in order to survive. To me this need to help others goes beyond religion and culture, it comes down to being a human that simply cares for others. It does not take much for us to help another person, spending a little more money, taking the time to talk to someone, or even just smiling at another person are all indicative of letting others know that there are good people amongst humankind. 

Sometimes I feel myself saddened by the horror and corruption I see around me, but choosing to be different even in the smallest way, can give hope to others that change can happen if we only make a decision to do so. 

References:

Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2000). Self-determination theory and the facilitation of intrinsic motivation, social development, and well-being. American psychologist, 55(1), 68.

Emerson, R. M. (1976). Social exchange theory. Annual review of sociology, 335-362. Retrieved from http://www.annualreviews.org/doi/abs/10.1146/annurev.so.02.080176.002003?journalCode=soc 

Hunt for the Wilderpeople - Hilarious Manhunt

Twelve-year-old Ricky is an alleged juvenile delinquent in the making: His crimes, as enumerated by the social worker who has escorted him to one foster home after another, include “stealing, spitting, throwing rocks, kicking stuff and defacing stuff” as well as the classic “loitering.” These transgressions, shown in a fleet, skittering montage, are hardly grave. But no one seems to want Ricky, a heavy-set kid who puts up a glum gangsta front but who actually has a fondness for reading and a knack for putting his feelings into haiku on the fly. 

He finds his place, at last, in a ramshackle house in the middle of nowhere with Bella and her gruff, laconic husband Hec. Bella is a lover of cat figurines. She can also kill a wild hog, with barely a tussle, using just a knife. Ricky comes to adore her—you understand why when you hear the ridiculous song she composes and performs for his thirteenth birthday—but her sudden death leaves him and Hec stranded emotionally. Hec doesn’t seem to care much for Ricky. And so, knowing that he’s going to be sent off to another home, Ricky runs off into the bush with his dog, Tupac. Hec finds him, but a series of mini-disasters keep the duo trekking through the wilderness for months. They come to understand each other, but it takes longer than you’d think for them to actually like each other.

Much of the film focuses on the relationship between Hec and Ricky but I want to take a moment to sing the praises of Bella, one of the most lovable characters I’ve encountered in a film in a long while. She’s impossibly cheery, to a nearly obnoxious degree, but her loving nature, warmth, and affection for cast-offs are completely genuine. She’s also tough—we watch her matter-of-factly skin vermin that she’s hunted and, later, stab a wild pig with a knife (“Dinner!” she shouts triumphantly, her face splattered with blood.) At first, Ricky keeps trying to run away—although not being a particularly outdoorsy type, he doesn’t get very far. But little by little, Bella breaks down his resistances. She listens to his profane, but funny haiku poems and, movingly, puts a hot water bottle in his bed every night. It’s a tiny gesture, but one that Ricky, who has never had a family of his own, clearly relishes. (He continues to run away, but it’s out of habit at this point; he has no actual intention of leaving.) On Ricky’s 13th birthday, Bella sings a corny song in his honor on her xylophone and Ricky joins in, loudly, proudly. Later, she gives him a dog, which he names Tupac, after his hero, Tupac Shakur.

Once Bella is out of the picture, Hec wants to give Ricky back to social services, so Ricky ineptly stages a suicide (he burns the barn down, but neglects to realize that the Ricky effigy he leaves behind is flame retardant) and runs to the bush. Hec finds him, easily, and the old man is about to take him back home when he falls and breaks his ankle. Suddenly the boy and his “Uncle Hec” (although Hec hates being called that) are forced to survive alone together, with child protective services on their heels.

I know. It sounds cutesy, but somehow, it’s not.That’s partly because, as played beautifully by Dennison, the funny, pop-culture-savvy, gangsta-wannabe Ricky is unlike any child we’ve ever seen in a film. As for the prickly Hec, he warms up to Ricky but it takes a long time—and even then, there are no overt displays of affection.

The absurdist humor emerges in the form of Paula, who is a kind of child protective services version of Inspector Javert, and the strange characters Hec and Ricky encounter in the bush—including a trio of dim-witted hunters; a lunatic who literally dresses like a bush; and a father and daughter who are thrilled to have the famous fugitive Ricky Baker in their midst (they take selfies with him). (Another ongoing gag: Ricky Baker is always referenced by his full name, without explanation.)

Hunt for the Wilderpeople is an absolute blast—original and memorable and irresistible, from start to finish. It promises to warm the heart of even the most curmudgeonly Hec in your life.

Grace is Gone - Accepting Loss

Starring and written by John Cusack, the film Grace is Gone focuses on a father of two who learns that his beloved soldier-wife has died during action in Iraq, and how he attempts to deal with his own grief as well as relate the loss to his daughters who are trying to cope while their mother is away and fighting for their freedom. The film also features the musical score of the infamous Clint Eastwood, performed by the Dave Matthews Band. 

It is not commonplace for the media to relate the experience of a female member of a family going to war, and a male member staying home to take care of the children. But it is very much a reality of many families who's members are called to serve for their nation, and having to leave your home to fight and kill others is almost as scary as having to continue daily living as though your significant other was not off serving in a foreign land, never truly knowing if they were alive or dead in that moment.

This was the reality of Stanley Phillips whose wife, Grace was currently enlisted in the army and was at that moment serving in Iraq. Stanley and Grace had had two daughters, the first being Heidi and the second being Dawn. Both daughters have very stark differences in their personality and deal with not having their mother around them differently. Heidi is an individual that is portrayed as someone well beyond her 12 years, of life she is smart, responsible, and yet sombre. Afraid to be happy or to let herself be the child that she is. And then there is Dawn, this 8 year old bouncing ball of curly hair is still young enough to feign naïvety and cling onto the hope that her mother will soon return and that her family will be normal once again. 

On a day like any other, Stanley gets the news that his beloved spouse was killed in action, but instead of falling into grief and mourning for his wife, he decides to take a road trip with himself and his daughters to Enchanted Gardens which is an amusement park a few days drive away from where they stay. And though their journey, Stanley is trying to deal with the new information of having lost the love of his life and breaking the news to his daughters who are still desperately trying to life a normal life.

Kubler-Ross's Stages of Grief

In the amended model for grief, Kubler-Ross (1972) and his associates had amended the theory of grief from having five stages to now including seven. These stages of grief help in understanding what emotions and thought processes are occurring within an individual who has just experienced the loss of a loved one. The new stages of grief include shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, testing and acceptance. Although not every individual faces each stage chronologically or is at each stage for the same amount of time, the individual facing the loss is predicted to experience all seven stages before being able to move past the crippling pain of losing someone they loved.

Stanley was very much functioning in the emotion of denial for most of the film, he tried his utmost best to pretend that he didn't in fact lose his wife, and that if he just displaced the feelings that he was having into making sure that his daughters were happy and got everything they wanted, then maybe the pain of loss would simply go away. This was not the case however, as more than a few times we see Stanley break down his own illusion of normalcy and experience anger and sadness over his loss as the illusions that a person creates in grief seldom carry forward or have any sense of logic. (Kugler-Ross, Wessler and Avioli, 1972)

Filter Model

Broadbent's (1958) filter model on how an individual has selective attention and processes information at different rates, explains that all stimuli that is presented to a person goes though a sensory buffer which works in the same manner that a bottle neck does. It restricts the incoming information to be processed so that vital information is stored and that we do not go into cognitive overload though having excessive exposure to a stimuli. 

Grief in itself can be considered a major stressor to an individual, and despite the manner in which the person was lost to you, the very fact that you once had an attachment with the deceased means that not only is a person going to experience some form of grief, but also needs to employ certain measures in order to be able to process the very abstract notion of loss.

Stanley was very much unable to process the information that his wife had passed on, and he resorted to behaviours that would be considered very much outside the realm of normal behaviours exhibited by the loss of a loved one. He would be calling his own phone at home just so he could hear his wife's voice on the answering machine, try to enforce the same rules on his daughters that his wife had imposed; such as only being able to pierce their ears at the age of thirteen, and attempting to reclaim some of the happiness that he felt the last time he was in Enchanted Gardens with his whole family before his wife was shipped away. He did this so that he would be able to deal with the overwhelming stimuli of death of his wife, in a way displacing his feelings so that he would be able to deal with it a little at a time and not break apart entirely and fall into depression.

Truth be told, I would have rather not watched this film at all, or rather not in a public setting. The reason being that I had encountered the loss of someone that I loved not that long ago now, and watching this film had brought afresh memories that I would have rather kept buried. The film itself resonated very strongly with me in that I saw the character Heidi as myself in many portions of the movie. She tried to be strong and adopted a more matured outlook on life due to the circumstances she was placed in, keeping her own emotions at bay and trying her best to do what is expected of her despite being in unfavourable circumstances. She never once used her situation to justify her behaviour, believing herself to be more than the product of her circumstances, even at the cost of her own childhood wonder.

Finding acceptance in grief, although the ultimate goal, is not one that is easily achieved. And although it is said that time heals all wounds, how much time is still very much a question that I have yet to find an answer for. But as Heidi found comfort in the mutual grief of her family, so did I in the close family and friends that I had around me during my time of loss. While the losing of someone that you cared deeply for is a pain that I would never wish on another human being, having people that empathise and understand you when you can barely understand yourself is something that I believe is the key to finding acceptance and resilience after losing someone you loved.

 References:

Broadbent, D. (1958). Perception and Communication. London: Pergamon Press.

Kübler-Ross, E., Wessler, S., & Avioli, L. V. (1972). On death and dying. Jama, 221(2), 174-179.

Experimenter - Disobeying Ethics

"You could say we are puppets. But I believe that we are puppets with perception, with awareness. Sometimes we can see the strings. And perhaps our awareness is the first step in our liberation." 

- Stanley Milgram

This film offered an interesting peek into the world of research and the struggles faced by academicians who engineer breakthroughs. Centralised on the classic Milgram's Obedience to Authority experiment,  it explored the ethical dilemma that has been controversial in his study as well as his personal struggle with his discoveries.

Although though we get to see how his experiments were conducted back in the 60's and the actual backlash from his participants themselves, this biopic did not feel like one particularly because there was not much emphasis or focus on Milgram as an individual. We get short glimpses of a man who has been denied tenure from the most prestigious university in the world and denounced on the sidewalk. However, it was difficult to empathise with this man as it felt literally like reading an experiment than experiencing a researcher's journey. That being said, I also realise that those moments were his driving force to design experiments in natural settings. This gives a sense of reality to research questions as it showed how much real life situations motivated Milgram in his studies.

Personally, I did not like the 'breaking of the fourth wall' technique used in this film. It took away the sense of connectedness that I initially had with the film. Since, this movie slightly swinged in between being a biopic and a documentary, foregoing the technique would have probably helped the story telling. 

Struggle in Academia

Readers who've heard of only one psychology experiment in their lives probably know Milgram's: In 1961's "obedience study," he found that the majority of subjects would give fellow volunteers horrible electric shocks if instructed to do so by an authority figure. The shocks weren't real, but the subjects didn't know that; the increasing discomfort of his obedient participants led many to call Milgram's ethics into question, and the experiment remains a psychology debate-starter today.

Milgram's real struggle was to convince people that his study was of value and there was nothing unethical about it as no one was harmed. However, people chose to harp on that one point and forgot to actually evaluate his study for what it was, a testimony of human behavior under the pressure of authority.

It was also somehow enlightening to watch how even the world of academia dissed Milgram's work. Despite, being a researcher in one of the most prestigious institutions in the world, his credibility was hugely at stake due to office politics. 

Amadeus - Envy & Awe

When Salieri sees Mozart for the first time, he does not know who he is. He just sees a young man telling dirty jokes and wrestling on the floor with a young woman; then he hears this young man is the creator of beautiful music. This confounds Salieri.

 When Salieri looks at the original works Mozart has done, the music leaps off the pages at him; literally hearing the music, you see the look of anguish on Salieri’s face at the beauty he has beheld. Then Mozart’s wife calmly asks if it is any good. He looks at her as though she must be insane to even ask. The emotion on his face—his heart wrenching with inner struggles. Watching him become consumed with envy and at the same time marvelling at the beauty in front of him is one of the most beautiful and insightful scenes into a person’s character I have ever seen, all communicated through his face and a few voice overs.

Salieri is then determined to bring Mozart down and find a way to make himself be as brilliant a composer. We see him at his manipulative best after this. He presents himself to others, always as this humble figure who can gain influence and friends among the court, and even with Mozart himself. Then we see his other face, the driven, bitter man who manipulates Mozart and others and uses his influence at court to keep Mozart down.

 However, being an honest narrator, he tells us everything so bluntly. This is what makes the story feel so real to me—the personal touches that are interspersed within this story of revenge, none more so than his sugar addiction, which is shown many times throughout. It is done with a light touch; he always offers guests some exotic piece of candy, and even as an old man the addiction has stayed with him, but this is no quirk—it shows that for one who forgoes all vices that there is still something a man desires, even a small thing like candy, and gives us a stronger feeling of his humanity, and one of the few things that gives him genuine joy.

It is when Mozart interacts with Salieri, however, that he becomes slightly better. While it is clear, he does not think much of Salieri’s music, he does go to Salieri for advice. When asked straight out what Salieri thinks of his work, Salieri cannot lie and says that it is the most beautiful work he has ever heard. He also attends all of Mozart’s shows—his only peer to do so. Mozart is truly touched by this action, never aware of what Salieri has done to him.

Through all of this, it becomes hard to label Salieri just the villain. He is a complex human being, and most surprisingly, we feel sorry for him. We are so involved in his story that we cannot help but empathize with him, even when he is at his darkest. Because we can see ourselves in him—the desire to be great, to leave an impact on the world, and, in finding Mozart’s music, finding that which he loves like no other—we can relate to him. We all look to find that thing in the world that gives us meaning. Here is a person who shows us ourselves.

These contrasts in him parallel the decline of Mozart as a person. He starts with such promise in his career; he has been making music since he was an infant and has been driven by his father to be great. He values his father greatly but he is also a bawdy man, who drinks and parties and has a laugh that was quoted historically as “like metal scraping glass.” He loves his music and, like Salieri, truly believes in his own brilliance. He is so egotistical that he cannot stand that so many other people do not understand his work. The inner drive and self-destructive behavior are what make him a brilliant man, but also a weak man, and his need to party and drink become stronger when his control starts to weaken over his circumstances. His contrast is engaging, but on the opposite end of Salieri; the brilliance is there, but his personality is what hurts him. Mozart does not know how to succeed, like many brilliant people. He doesn’t know how to play the game to make it in the real world and that is what does him in.

The lives of these characters are fascinating, because they feel real. For all their flaws, they are never easy to define, and therein lies the beauty of this film. We see them, we accept them, and we mourn for them.

Whale Rider - Of Pride and Prejudice

In every generation, there arises the quintessential chief of the Maori people. A male first-born child who is said to claim its descent from Paikea, the whale rider who was originally from Hawaii. This is the pretence upon which Witi Ihimaera builds his novel around, upon which this film is based.

The film starts itself off with feelings of death. Death of a mother and child, death of a relationship between father and son, death of a male lineage. It is here that a little girl named Paikea emerges from the sorrow surrounding the family, and from here on little Pai does everything within her power in order to be part of her tribe and accepted by her grandfather.

The entire film revolves itself around the relationship between Koro and Pai, this grandfather and grand-daughter duo seem to have a close affiliation with one another in the beginning of the movie, but as it progress we see that Koro has not lost his yearning for a strong male to follow in his footsteps, and soon begins the quest to find a suitable heir amongst the young boys in the Maori village.

But at each trial, it appears that the only one to prevail is little Pai. She can fight, recite the chants of her people, and was able to claim back the tooth of a whale that none of the other boys had managed to do before.

And yet with these triumphs, the only one unable to see Pai's potential is Koro himself, he still trusts that a first-born male would succeed himself in becoming the next chief of the Maori people. And it isn't until the beach is littered with the bodies of humpback whales who seem to want to die along the coast, and he sees Paikea riding a whale like the Paikea of legend, that Koro changes his mind about little Pai becoming the next leader of his people.

Patriarchy 

A social structure where males are considered to have dominion over females, has stemmed its way from evolutionary psychology (Walby, 1990). In patriarchies, males are considered to have a monopoly on power while females are expected to submit to the same power.

While this may have made more logical sense in the days of our cave-dwelling ancestors where brawn superseded any other skills we may have had during that time, this is hardly the case in our current century. This is the foundation on which Social Darwinism theory is based off of. Dickens (2000) expounded rather boldly on the topic saying that, the biological differences in both sexes are what has contributed to the differences in how society treats either gender, and although many disagree to it, the treatment of males and females has been designed to have males come out as the superior gender.

Today most of the world has given females the same human rights as males, the right to education, to drive, to enter a male-dominated vocation, and to vote. But one thing seems to have remained constant since the time of cavemen to today, is that males make better leaders than their female counterparts. No evidence has yet to prove if leadership qualities are based on a biological pre-disposition, and it is only lately that we are understanding the role of the matriarch in the family is as vital than that of the patriarch. 

In the film, it is almost shameful to see how the other members of the Maori tribe blindly follow their leader without any thought of why it is compulsory for their leader to be male. They allow Koro to act in the manner that he does and no one stands up to question the legitimacy of their leader or his decisions. It is for that reason that I had really enjoyed the character of Nanny Flowers; wife to Koro and grandmother to Pai, she seems to not only hold her own during the course of the film, but to also aid her family in pushing the boundaries of their backward ways.

It is no surprise that after years of blindly agreeing to follow male leaders simply on the fact that they were born as males, many theories have come to disprove patriarchy and social darwinism for a more egalitarian view of the sexes. Bloodworth (1990) had done just that in her debunking of patriarchism for the idealism of feminine authority. Her work stated that society needed to not just work on the idea of equal opportunities, but also a change of mindset of females being considered somehow inferior to males due to nothing more than biology. In as much as society is progressing to not consider race or religion as measures in determining one's merit, so must we do the same when taking gender into consideration.

That is not to say that females are entitled to have anything more than a male would, females should have to prove their worth at being as good as or even better than males at any particular field. Paikea never thought that she was entitled to become the chief simply because she was born into a particular family, in fact she made she that she worked harder and succeeded in whatever tasks she was made to accomplish. She never saw herself as anything of less worth simply because she was born female instead of male, she only saw that being chief meant looking out for the welfare of her people and took joy in keeping the customs and traditions of her tribe.

References:

Bloodworth, S. (1990). The poverty of patriarchy theory. Socialist Review, 2, 5-33.

Dickens, P. (2000). Social Darwinism: Linking evolutionary thought to social theory. Open University Press.

Walby, S. (1990). Theorizing patriarchy.

Forget Paris - A Realistic Charm

Only a few movies have the magical ability of making a well-known city as a character as opposed to being a setting. In this Billy Crystal film, Paris is shown as not only a romantic destination, however it is portrayed as a fantasy world that everyone yearns for and has a struggle getting out of. This movie strikes a chord not only with people involved in a romantic relationship, however it connects with everyone who has a fantasy of their own bliss and happiness and reminds them that it is not going to be excitement and fun all along. 

This movie also had a realistic attempt at portraying an adult relationship with lots of humour in it’s narrative. It didn’t feel like a romance that was tragic even though Mickey and Ellen’s relationship did go through natural ups and downs, mainly due to the brilliant story telling technique of Billy Crystal. There are many romance films out there that just kind of depresses the audience at the end of it, this movie smartly doesn’t do it.

Mickey and Ellen were a classic example of how people find love in a magical land and realise later on that the initial sparks do not sustain a relationship but commitment does. They navigated their relationship by making sacrifices along the way, only to realise that they are losing themselves and their passion.

 

It is easy to see how Sternberg's (1986) Triangular Theory of Love is connected to this motion picture with each segment of Intimacy, Passion, and Commitment playing a role in the relationship of Mickey and Ellen.

In the beginning of their relationship, Passionate love seemed to be the main component of their relationship. An excitement and newness that is commonly associated with butterflies fluttering in your belly and a sexual desire for one another. Mickey and Ellen were practically joined at the hip during their initial courtship but this form of love seemed to fade once the newness had morphed into familiarity and ungratefulness. This is commonly associated with partners who engage in Romantic Love defined with a deficiency of commitment and a short lifespan to whomever partakes in it. What partners in a relationship should strive for is Consummate Love which contains all three aspects including, intimacy, passion and commitment as the ideal standard to which a relationship should adhere to. Not easily attained, but worth the effort in order to achieve a lasting and fulfilling relationship.

More recently, Parker (2001) had applied his theory of marriage into a longitudinal study to showcase what items were most commonly attributed to a fulfilled and successful heterosexual marriage, meaning to imply that those intending to marry should adopt these values in order to consider themselves as happy and fulfilled in their marriage. 

Parker (2001) went on to state that marriage was hardly a bed of roses as most of us are led to believe, instead he used the analogy of a diamond who had to endure oppression, stress, and all with no relief. But in the end its the diamond and not the coal that ends up being beautiful and precious to all who behold it. 

In the same manner, Mickey and Ellen's relationship is all the more beautiful for having gone through the struggles and in the end still choosing to love one another despite everything.

Watching this movie also made me relate it to the Investment Model found by Caryl Rusbult (1998). Commitment can be sustained if the investment grows. Which means the reward in a relationship must be much more than the cost and attractive alternative.

Commitment = Investment + (Rewards - Costs) - Attractive Alternatives

In this movie Ellen portrayed this theory very much. She and her ex-husband were separated for a while and she couldn't make up her mind on whether she wants to divorce him or not because there were no attractive alternatives available but there is a lot of cost which lead to the separation. Things changed when she met Mickey (attractive alternative) she made up her mind and got married to him. It was easier for her to break the dilemma when she had a better option waiting for her. Same goes when she was separated from Mickey because of the increase in the cost but she got together as she realise the cost gets higher with separation (they were more devastated and miserable) and the attractive alternative (going back to Paris) was worthless. So she decides to get back together with him.

References:

Rusbult, C. (1998). The Investment Model Scale. Personal Relationships. Retrieved from http://carylrusbult.com/documents/60_RusbultMartzAgnew1998_PersonalRelationships.pdf

Parker, R. (2001). Why marriages last. Family Matters, 60(28), 30. Retrieved from https://aifs.gov.au/publications/why-marriages-last/export

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